All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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