went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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