i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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