I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
