Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
