The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
