Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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