You're completely useless in the revolution.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
