i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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