My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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