I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
