my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
