Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
