My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
