So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
