I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
