She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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