Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
