i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
