I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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