i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
