We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
