You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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