there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
