Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
