Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
