I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
