Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
