P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
