Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
