Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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