does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
