i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
