Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
