i don't like sucking hair
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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