The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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