drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
