You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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