He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
