8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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