im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
