please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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