Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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