She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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