im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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