Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
