I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
