I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
