why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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