is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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