Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
