I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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