you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
